In doing work with couples, the issue of infidelity unfortunately comes up quite often. Fortunately, I have been privileged to witness relationships heal and move forward stronger. I am not trying to fool anyone, this is an arduous process with many facets.

When looking at the statistics, for heterosexual couples, it is close to 50/50 (husband/wife) on who has the affair. And a common misconception of the word "affair" is that is always sexual. While this does happen at a higher percentage, in our digital age there is sexting, online chat, Facebook, etc.

The person who has had their trust broken can mirror a grieving person that has lost a close love one. A way to understand this process is to become familiar with the Kubler-Ross model of the 5 stages of grief. The stages are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. These usually never go completely in order, and will cycle back and forth between stages.

The person who has broken the trust can also go through the above stages, but it all depends on what he or she decides is their "agenda" for their relationship. Most of the couples I've worked with have an "agenda" of repairing their relationship and the unfaithful partner ultimately does not want to leave their relationship for their paramour.

As scary as telling the truth to your partner may seem, it can set you free from the unrealistic "smoke and mirror" world you've been in.

If you are having trouble in your relationship or need support to "come clean" to your partner. Please contact me to schedule an appointment.

Heather Cotsenmoyer, MFTI